Blackpool - 1992-3

"The Super Troupers" were buzzing around the country in a tired Transit van, delighting mostly student audiences with ABBA in our own style.  We were earning about ?60 a gig + exps + accommodation in most cases, which for a bunch of smelly students was pretty good, and we therefore thought we were quite good.

 

Our next booking was a large Night Club in Blackpool.  Warning signs should have been evident from the jump (going from student parties to Night Clubs with paying punters).  However, initially, all went fairly well.  We arrived with time in hand and were met by someone who pointed out where on the stage to set up and what to plug into.  The place was a little daunting - a large venue, packed with lighting, smoke boxes, lettering "The Ritz" in neon all over the place and a balcony above the stage which was to be used by dancers wearing very little.

 

During our sound check we did all notice shadowy characters popping out of a door on the right, watching for a short while then leaving, which triggered an uncomfortable atmosphere for the duration of the sound check.

 

Sound check finished, the usual hanging around for 3 or 4 hours.  During this time, the dancers came and introduced themselves, we had refreshments provided and we were all happy.

 

Show time at about 11.00pm and we came onto a stage facing a very empty looking club.  That never bothered me (still doesn't) so we launched into our set with the usual enthusiasm, girls dancing above, lights flashing and a few punters bopping along seeming to enjoy themselves.  Only two tunes in, we all noticed those shadowy figures re-appear.  This time, one very tall one moved to directly in front of the stage and stood for a short while with his arms crossed.  When he realised that his tacit gesture had earned our undivided attention despite retaining our smiles and playing on, he slowly pointed at each one of us, then gestured assertively to stage left with and outward flick of his thumb.  This was sufficient, we drew the song to a close and retreated to the dressing room as the DJ sprang to life right on queue.

 

This guy knew what he was doing.  He kept us waiting in there for 20 to 30 minutes.  I remember the dancers coming in and shrugging with remarks such as, "I don't know what went wrong, it sounded great to us" etc etc, which was nice of them.  However, he eventually made an appearance accompanied on either side by two bricks, which turned out to be people.  The threesome stood facing us and he said, "I want to speak to the representatives of the band now", so Jason and I, as we were just that at the time, made ourselves known.  The guy indicated the door the others should use, which they did without any protest (I remember wishing that what ever was about to happen to me, on them).

 

Left alone, the tall guy who was of course the club owner, piped up at last "What the f*** was that?", to which I remember Jason answered very politely "Sorry!".  We were sh***ing ourselves unreservedly, and convinced that at any moment we were to be crushed to a pulp by the two motionless bricks that still stood each side of our Host, who continued.  "You lot are the worst f***ing band I have ever heard in my life, and I should know cause I've played in bands, I was in Johnny Kidd and the Pirates - I was Johnny Kidd."  I remember trying to look impressed having never heard of them.  "You have cleared my club and cost me money".  He then put his hand in his pocket to pull out a large wad of notes.  "Here is ?650, which I am not going to give you", and put it back in his pocket.  "You can sue if you like and I shall counter sue you on grounds of lost earnings.  You will wait here until the club closes at 2.00am, then you will get your gear and f*** off.  I never want to see you near my club again."  He knew that that was sufficient, so tuned around and left taking his two monkeys with him.

 

We did exactly as he had suggested and were on the road again by about 2.05am.  We did not sue.  We did not go back.

I was told when relating the story sometime afterwards, that Johnny Kidd had been dead for some time.  I expect it was his rehearsed speech to scare off annoying bands when playing to an empty house.  Bast**d.